Buffy’s Diary
October 10, 1997

Timeline: (Between the episodes, Inca Mummy Girl and Reptile Boy)

In the beginning of Reptile Boy Buffy tells Willow she's dreamt of Angel three nights in a row. This is the third dream.

This is it. This is going to be the last one because I am over it. I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do something. Why can't I have a Cordelia dream just once? A designer dream. One thing, though. I could tell Mom about this one, that I dreamed that Angel was helping me with my history.

Sometimes I fall asleep on my bed with the light on and a book on my chest. I get back from patrol and I'm tired, but I figure if I study a little before I fall asleep some of it might sink in. Then I wake up later and it's four in the morning and the light is on and I have all my clothes on.

A knock woke me up. My eyes were stung by the light in the room, I was confused.


"I saw the light on," He said."What are you doing up? It's late,"

I rubbed my eyes. The book fell off my chest.

"Did you fall asleep studying?" he asked. He was beaming at me.

"Uhhhmmm, yeah," I started to get up.

"Don't-don't, I'll put you to bed," he said.

"What time is it?"

"It's after three. Did you hunt for a long time?"

"Mmmm, no, quiet night,"

He picked up the book.

"Civil war," he said, with a tinge of bitterness.

I stretched and yawned, "You were here, then, weren't you?"

"In America? Yes," he was unlacing my sneakers. He stopped and went to turn off the overhead light and my bedside lamp. The only light was from the little lamp on my dresser, it made the room softer.

He returned to the bed and took my sneakers off, gently slipping them off my feet as if they were satin slippers or something.

"What was it like?"

"The war? It was a war. All wars are bad,"

"One specific thing would be nice," I said, "I am studying it,"

"Demons have a heyday in wartime," he said, "They manipulate humans more easily, they get away with appalling things. It was bloody. Battlefields. Prisoners of war. Poverty. You have to see it, to know what it's like. For humans now, that war is in books. And it erradicated a greater evil. But I saw some of the suffering...and it was unconscionable," He stopped talking and pulled my socks off slowly. He ran his fingers over my toes, smiling.

"How can your toes be so little?" he asked me.

I was shifting uncomfortably. "Little and stinky," I said.

"Are they?" he pressed my feet to his face, rubbing his nose back and forth over my toes, and I struggled.

"Angel, stop it!"

He fixed his eyes on me.

"So, how well do you know it?"

"Well, I'm making the major effort. Test tomorrow, '"

"Let's see how accurate your book is," He opened the book, skimming it quickly. I was amazed by how fast he was flipping through it.

"Wow!" I said, "Speed reading?"

He looked puzzled, "What?"

"It's just...you read really fast,"

He snorted, "It's been a hobby for a couple of hundred years. Plus, I read the headlines the first time,"

"Oh," Of course, duh, I thought.

He leaned over me and his thumb brushed my cheek, "Kiss for every correct answer,"

"Oh, a pop quiz! I've never liked those before,"

"People who opposed slavery," he said.

I knew that one. "Abolitionists,"

He kissed me, still stroking my cheek, pushing my lips apart with his. I opened my mouth and nudged the tip of his tongue with mine. He brought his mouth down on mine again and dipped his tongue, and I had to grab more air, I was so easily excited by him.

"Name of the Southern army," he took the zipper tab from my sweatshirt in his fingers.

"Ummmm, The Confederate Army," he unzipped my sweatshirt. He lifted me to a sit and pulled it off me. He slipped his hand up the back of my neck and brought my mouth to his and kissed me again.

"Led by General....." He stood behind me and gently pulled the elastic out of my hair.

"Robert E. Lee,"

He came back from the dresser with my brush.

"These are too easy," he said. He stroked my hair off my neck with the brush, and I shivered. "States that susceeded after the fall of Fort Sumpter,"

"Angel, that's too hard," He stopped brushing and leaned toward me, his lips just under my ear.

"The fall of Sumpter was pivotal," he said softly, "Kiss for each correct state,"

"I can't believe how mean you are,"

"I bet you know them,"

I sighed, "Arkansas...."

He kissed my ear delicately, and waited.

"Tennessee....Virginia......" my voice went up, because he was kissing down my neck, "....uh..."

He rested his mouth in the hollow of my shoulder, "....North..." he prompted.

"Oooo, Carolina," I crooned. He put the brush on the night stand.

"General Lee gave two farewell addresses. Arms up," he said, pulling off my T-shirt. In the dream he was so casual about it, but I was feeling very warm, "To which two parties?"

"The Confederate Army,"

"Oops. No, now we have to start over,"

"Wait! Wait, ummm...to the Army of Northern Virginia," He kissed my mouth. "Angel!" I whined.

"Those are the rules, Buffy. You miss one, we have to start over. But that's one right,"

I glared at him.

"And the farewell address to the President,"

He snickered, "You want the extra point?"

"Yes!" I pouted, "President Jefferson Davis,"

He dipped his tongue in my mouth deeply and ran his hands up my back. I was only wearing a bra and I had never been undressed in front of him like this before, but in the dream he was acting like it happened every day.

"Name the major turning point in the war," He put his lips on my ear again.

"The battle of Gettysburg," He kissed my ear, but several times, little kisses all over.

"Who won that battle?"

"The Union Army under Ulysses S. Grant. Do I get two points?"

"Yes, you do," He pushed me back into the pillow. He took the waistband of my sweatpants in his hands and slipped them over my hips. He peeled them off my legs, then he scooted back up and took my face tenderly in his hands. He slowly trailed kisses down my throat. I sighed and reached up to stroke his cheek.

"How many days did the battle last?"

"July 1st through July 3rd, 1863," He gently slipped my bra straps over my shoulders and began to kiss under my throat, creeping down. He took little mouthfuls of the flesh on my chest, trailing his tongue quickly in each one. "Oh!" I said.

"The President's speech?" he said.

"Lincoln's Gettysburg Address," I said, and his hands slipped under my back. My bra released, but he didn't pull it off. He inched it downward with his mouth, kissing, and I don't know how I remembered it, "Fourscore and seven years ago....our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and .....and dedicated to the proposition that....that all men are created-AH!" He was kissing so close to my nipple that I completely lost touch for a minute.

"Very good," he said softly, "That same year Mary Todd Lincoln talked her husband into signing a document not only for political reasons, but as a matter of right," He took my bra in his teeth and pulled it away, tossing it on the floor with a jerk of his head. His tongue peeked between his lips and he poised his mouth over my left nipple, looking up at me.

"That's a trick question! She was a wacko!"

"You know it," he murmured, his eyes fixed on my nipple, his head turned a little, his mouth circling it without touching. He was waiting.

"The...the..." I was panting in little gusts, I was trying to think, but he licked his lips and I thought I was going to lose it, then it came to me, "The Emancipation Proclamation?"

He looked me in the eye and smiled, and then drew a slow, wet circle around the edge of my nipple with his tongue. I shook all over, I could not believe what I was feeling, my entire body arched toward him. "It's so good...it's so good..." I was saying, without meaning to. He moved his tongue slowly over the tip of my other nipple and the room disappeared. I knew my nipples were very sensitive but I had no idea what he could do to me. His tongue kept circling and gliding, along with his fingers. He took one in his mouth and drew on it, flicking his tongue, and brushed his fingertips carefully across the other one and suddenly a cry came out of me and I had no control over it and then my body contracted harshly inside and I was thrashing under him. One of his hands was on my face, palm to cheek, and his thumb was on my mouth very lightly, as if he wanted to feel my lips move. My mouth was dry from breathing so hard. He released my nipple and kissed my mouth, scooping his tongue in sweetly. My fingers went through his hair greedily. Finally I calmed a little.

"Which General later became President of the United States?"


"And a shame it was," he said. He was rubbing his nose on my stomach, nuzzling.


"He was incredibly corrupt. He owned five slaves of his own at one time. He was a drunk. He headed one of the most corrupt administrations this country has ever seen,"

"Really?" I was still reeling, but I wanted to hear him.

He laughed softly against my stomach, "We're not getting much covered here....Where was the Confederate Government formed?" He was heading for my belly button, nipping me.


He looked up. "Are we going to have to start over?"

"Montgomery, Alabama?"

His tongue dipped gently into my belly button, and then began to slip lower. "What was the Confederate Constitution based on?"

"The-ahh" he was licking a line from my belly button slowly down and my breath caught, "The Constitution of the United States,"

"With how many major modifications?" He stopped just above my panties.


"Do you want to start over?"


"Close...but you got it," I slid my fingers into his hair again. In the dream it was so easy, I wasn't shy or afraid at all, I just wanted him. "Give me a basic run down of those modifications,"

"Angel, I can't believe you're being so mean!"

"Won't it be on the test?"

I sighed, "It might be,"

"Do you know them?" He took the lace edge of my panties in his fingers and paused, ready to pull them off. I felt a tiny movement between my legs, I was wet.

"Each State would act independently...when it came to the general welfare...?"

He slid my panties down a bit and kissed my belly.

"Ummm....guaranteed slavery,"

He slipped the panties all the way off me and put his mouth back on my belly, moving down.

"No tariffs," I blurted. He was kissing my thigh and pushing my legs apart.

My mind hit a blank.

"Oh....ummmm," His kisses crept up the inside of my thigh, he pushed my legs apart even more. "Ohhhh,"

He pressed his mouth between my legs and rubbed his lips back and forth over me. He looked up, waiting. "I can't wait to kiss you," he murmured.

I was nearly in tears. "Ummm,..."


"Oh, please!"

"President's term...."

"Reduced to 6 months!"

His mouth opened and his tongue dipped between my legs. My back contracted, the muscles bunching almost violently. His tongue was soft and cool and nimble, it circled and flicked and tantalized, it dipped deeper, I was clutching handfuls of sheet and slowly going insane. He took that one little place between his lips and his tongue danced over it, and I felt the scream come out of my throat before I heard it. I was jerking onto him, it was the most amazing feeling I'd ever had, it was so good it was almost unbearable, like when you get held down and tickled and it's really harsh, except you'd beg for more. Wetness was flowing out of me. He kept doing it, I was almost afraid he'd stop, but then his finger was there and stroking deeper, then pushing, and then slipping inside me and my body wrapped around his finger and I had to scream again, over and over, it took me over completely. I was trembling then, I felt soft and a little exposed. He slid up the bed next to me and laid beside me, pulling me into his arms. He kissed me, holding my face in his hands. My arms were around him and I was gripping him, hard.

"I want you," I said. He knew what I meant.

"When the time's right,"

"Life is short," I said, "I'm not going to live forever, you know,"

A shadow crossed his face, as if I'd said something cruel. He looked as if I'd slapped him. I realized what I'd said and I felt so awful, but he crushed me to him.

"It's not all it's cracked up to be," he said.

I woke up. I was hugging a pillow. The book was on the floor. All the lights were on. I had all my clothes on, but of course, my panties were soaked again.

I am getting really sick of these dreams. I've got to do something...I've got to take action here. If he is avoiding me I've got to find out now and move on with my life. This is STUPID. It's so ridiculous! It's obsessive, and I don't want to be obsessive, I've got enough to worry about. I have to be the Slayer but I don't have to be some vampire's groupie. OK, he's not just some vampire, but this is beyond lame. I have a life, I have friends, I should be dreaming about shopping, this is not sane at all. I'm sick of this. I've got to have it out with him. Either he wants to see me, or not, but this has got to stop.

I think I love him.

Screw it, I'm asking him out. If he says no, I'll just go back to Christian Slater.